if ever, i loved thee
my jesus tis' now.

i was reading a news article on the way home just now.

KILLING FIELDS TRIAL BEGINS

if you dont know, killing fields refer to the place many cambodians were killed for no reason at all, by the Khmer Rouge when they dominated. they wanted to create an agrarian society, and so captured countless cambodians old and young, and tortured & killed them. their skulls are stacked up in the glass cabinet, their photos displayed on many boards.

why do i feel for them? cos i've visited the tuol sleng museum twice. now a museum open to visitors, its the actual place of torture and killing, with all the tiny (understatement) musty cells, blood stains, and torture instruments still intact. S-21, they called it.

now, justice has come to those who have suffered. and it means a whole great deal to the 20 survivors left from those days. revenge has come! more accurately, justice is here. and happy are the people, because they have gone through so so much under their hands.

and as i read that the trial had arrived, 30 years after all the killing, i was actually quite happy. people who torture like that, what's wrong with them! until....

Duch. Duch is a man who had great power in the S-21 prison. he had ordered a mass killing of prisoners, and had allowed 4 to be interrogated while giving orders to kill all the rest of them. so, one word, and it was done. how many lives he must have ordered taken, i cannot imagine! and i was relieved he now had to pay for what he had caused. until i read ....

"duch, who converted to christianity, has also asked for forgiveness from his victims... taken to the scene of his alleged crimes last year, he wept and told some of his former victims, 'i ask for your forgiveness. i know that you cannot forgive me, but i ask you to leave me the hope that you might.'

who converted to christianity
who converted to christianity


suddenly everything changed. he became someone i felt like protecting. he became one of us. and it blew my mind thinking what punishment would be just for him, since he already regretted what he did and thinks differently now. i think, no human would be able to mete out a just punishment for him. how do you measure the sincerity of an apology? or a regret?

that's why i have to believe there is a justice above the justice that we know. that's why i have to believe that there is an afterlife. if there was no afterlife, everything must be able to be happily settled here and now on earth. because this world is not fair, i have to believe in the existence of another one.

dont wreck our brains thinking of suitable punishments. God meant it when He said "vengeance is mine". His ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts. and i'm ever-so-relieved about that. because if someone i call God thinks like humans, or if humans are fully able to understand what's happening in this world, then why dont i just crown myself god?

the entire school has a rather luvyduvy feel cos its Vday soon! whoa with all the pink&red paper hearts dangling along the walkway, the massive heart-shape thing they placed at the beginning & at the end of the walkway (such that you HAVE TO walk through it), all the dedication booths etc etc... LOVE IS IN THE AIRRRR

but once again, vday is not happening for me haha! was supposed to go esplanade watch BREAKOUT with my other 6 wanderers but ah, massive pungseh so, no. highly likely i'll be treating the family to chilli crab somewhere in celebration of, (which brings me to my next point)....

i'm done! went to collect my grade8 theory results at parkway on sunday and oh. my. goodness the velocity of that thumping heart. nearly lept out of my mouth and bounced down the escalator. but okay i passed! i actually expected more but nehmind a pass is good enough for me thank God thank God. hence ends my days learning piano. a full 17years!

so far i'm abit ahead of readings. but, all ends tomorrow when i get my paedetric text. THAT'S IT. goodbye to days of no eyebags. hello ruffled hair and pea-sized eyes.

school 9-6pm tmr. awesome.

k prep for tut tmr goodbye!

&& HAPPY VDAY TO ALL love you!

the only thing i wanna say now is


thank you Lord

thank you Lord

thank you Lord

:)